Trying to stay on The Path

Recently I caught a bad habit, which could definitely worsen my slight ADD -- thinking everything that pops up in my life is serendipitous. It could never just be a coincidence, right?

Just moments ago, feeling the urge to communicate, I checked my e-mail and a message from Journalism Next was waiting in my inbox (I always read these messages to see if there are any decent job listings for journalist nearby and there never are). As I scrolled the e-mail, "Washington, nope; New York, nope," I stumbled upon a message from Berkeley. This is HUGE to me because my FAVORITE and I mean favorite (hence the all caps) writer teaches there -- Michael Pollan. I read the description of the program and it was orgasmic. Suddenly I thought, "this must be a sign." And this is where the trouble begins...

I love this sense of freedom that I have recently had. Truthfully, this freedom has come from my refusal to take on a lot of responsibilities and the fact that, well, I just don't like the whole idea of, "This is it, this is my life?" popping into my head one day. My head is in the clouds and I know this, but the air is fresher up here:)

Anyways, I keep doing this to myself. In the past few weeks I have jumped from, "hey I want to go to NZ" to "maybe I should start a business" and now..."maybe I should get my Master's in journalism at Berkeley and hang out with Pollan." It's just getting ridiculous. No journalists need their Master's, experience is what matters. Would it kick ass? Duh, yeah it would be awesome (with a capital A). But, it's just not necessary.

Another example: One day while working on the farm and in very low spirits, a life coach came to help out with picking. My boss assigned him to help me with the task I was working on and we started chatting. He was from Chicago and a successful life coach who simply did what ever he wanted. His first question was, "What do you like to do?" I replied, "write" in a slightly annoyed tone to his intrusiveness. He asked, "Is there any way to make money from that?" and it goes on. To make a long story short, after about a half hour of his prying, we got to the nitty gritty. He called me an idealist and told me to be more sensible. He also told me that the only thing stopping me from my dream (to be Michael Pollan) was myself. Yes, this was serendipitous. I could not have run into this man on a better day. It was like he was delivered to me to give me a swift kick in the ass as a reminder that I'm walking on the right path. The Berkeley e-mail on the other hand...

For the sake of a positive outlook, my whole attitude could be serendipity in itself. If I am free to experience what ever I wish, I can walk through any open door I choose. Ugh, I sound like such a drifter. Did you see what I just wrote? Ew. How do I say this? I know that things are unsettled in my life right now, because I am not ready to settle. This lack of focus might be insane and this slight case of ADD (not diagnosed, I am also a slight hypochondriac) could worsen, but it's silly to worry. Patience is a virtue and I need to find some and stop wondering, "what do I do next?" I know it will come...and after that I just need to put one foot in front of the other. People who live full lives never stop and think to themselves, "this is it?" It's never too late to walk through those open doors and remembering that Moses did not know his purpose until he was 80-years-old doesn't hurt either:)